In all my life I never thought I would ever meet someone like her. There was so much that I could never tell her but I could tell her everything. There was something in her laugh and in her smile that melted all my worries and troubles away. Never again will I feel like the way I did around her.
But, the trouble is, I can’t remember her anymore. Not the time we spent together, not the memories we made, nothing. Just how her smile made me feel inside. It was the most human feeling anyone could possibly ever feel, I’m sure of that.
Maybe it’s bad that I can’t remember. We did so much and there isn’t a single thing that I can remember. I can remember how we met. It was one of the…well... oddest days I had had in a while. I won’t go into detail because it brings out everything bad that I do remember. It’s strange to me that I can remember the bad things. I wish it were the opposite. I know we made up after every fight but I can’t recall how and what came after. All I know, all I’ve ever known, is that it was followed by something good.
Her eyes! Yes. Those were another thing that I could remember clearly. They were perfect orbs of emerald green, always alight with happiness. Anger and sadness rarely touched the green. I can remember every time that they clouded with a foreign emotion that was unfamiliar to her.
It makes me sad to think that the only full and complete memory of her is the worst of all.
The flashing lights of the ambulance, the screams coming from her mangled body, the yells of the paramedics, my heavy breathing. It’s all so clear and I can relive this moment as if it were happening all over again. It’s a relief to know I won’t ever have to relive it for real.
I mean, you only die once.
They told me she passed before we ever reached the hospital. Her screams had subsided by the time they got her on the stretcher. They told it was a long shot to begin with. How she had been hit, and how many times. Then the tumor that exploded inside of her. They said it was what really did it. I’m not so sure. It was my fault in the first place.
I stopped her on the crosswalk, I should have moved her. If I had then maybe she would be here…but then again, maybe not. It was the tumor they said. If the cars hadn’t hit her she would have died anyway.
But still. Her laugh was like a bell chime and her smile brightened a dark room. Those simple things I will never ever forget, even if all memory fades. I’ll always have her laugh, her smile, and her eyes. Those ever haunting eyes.
I wonder if I’ll ever escape her ghost.